the condom got lost in my hair
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
