4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
