The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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