Jerry, you need to find god
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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