Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize