someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
