Kareoke will never be a sober sport
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
