if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
