she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
