Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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