I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
