you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
