We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
