I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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