Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
