Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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