GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
