i need an iv and a liver transplant
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
