its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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