I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
