the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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