I can tuck mytits in my pants
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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