Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize