he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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