I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
