We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
