her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize