i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
