i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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