just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
