You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
