Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
