but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
