If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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