YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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