If i come over, it means nothing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
