Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
