shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
