3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
