Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize