none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
that's an acceptable place to lick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
