Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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