dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Randomize
