I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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