you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
