why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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