my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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