No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize