come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
