you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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