I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize