i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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