I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
