One girl and one boy is just not enough.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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