Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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