Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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