it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
