You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
