Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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