I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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