Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
