Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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