Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
