my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
