Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
