They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
