I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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