and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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