He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was CRYING into my vagina
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
