Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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