anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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