i just google imaged poop.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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