everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
