my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
