R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
