he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
