No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
