I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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