Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
