half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
