He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
