New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize