I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
