Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's shark week go big or go home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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