K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
